i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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