My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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