We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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