Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just google imaged poop.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
