the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
