you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
