A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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