I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
