If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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