and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
