Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
