I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this will be a night to untag.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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