Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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