So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I supernannyed him into submission
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
