Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
