worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
