i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
