i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
