So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
