No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
should my penis look like a turkey
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
