he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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