erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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