So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
