so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
