his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
