Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize