so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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