he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
