With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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