Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
