We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
