pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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