WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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