I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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