Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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