I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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