end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
