They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
