We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize