i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
