Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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