i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
