Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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