Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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