You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
