I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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