Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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