Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
