You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
