at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
