I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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