Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
