i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
