Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
