you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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