I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
