Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
