She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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