I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
