I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
