I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
